Monday, September 29, 2008

You Do or You Don't

For some time now I have been unable to pin point my frustration with the masses. On a macroeconomic level there is just far too many semantics to pin point an underlying explanation.

Then a flash-A HA! and all at once a theory on life strikes me without warning....(I Know, Toby...a theory....weird!)

The world is completely divided into two groups. There is no room for gray matter here. You either "get it" or "you don't".

People that know that lousy service still deserves a 15% tip get it. People that use a coupon for a free meal and tip 10% on the cost of their beer-don't.

People that plan and include their teenage kids on their social activities to bond with them get it. People that buy their teenage kids a keg so that "at least they know where they are"-don't.

People that order coffee for the end of their meal get it. People that order hot tea, don't.

The pressing question at hand, now that our vision has become so dramatically unobstructed, is when does it happen. We are not all born getting it, so then when? In a flash at a silent unspoken time, when shopping for shampoo or channel surfing on your bed, eyes thrust form their sockets, you sit straight up and exclaim to nobody in particular.."Holy Shit...I Get It!".

I suppose this could be a simple explanation to an unarguable point, and then again I suppose there could be some other explanation, but the point is-you do or you don't, and I know because.....I Get It!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Sunday Diners-a message from behind the scenes

The typical Sunday Diner seems to follow a pattern that should be brought to light, solely to serve as an instruction manual for the lay person, or a "what -not-to-do" outline for those tempted to eat out on Sundays.
"Honey, we got a coupon for a deal at the local watering hole that we have never been too, and we need to take advantage of it soon, so we can get busy not going back ever again."
"Sounds good Hun-don't make a reservation for our family of 12. We will just show up".
With flip flops, tank tops, and wailing babies blazing, the demanding begins.
"Hot tea, water for the table...and is bread free? good, we'll have that...and we have a coupon".
Bless the servers heart for abstaining from the tempting eye roll, and instead replacing with a gracious grin, all the while muttering through clinched teeth, "I'm never going to make rent this month".
2 1/2 hours, 75 bread baskets, and a bill for $28.50 later, the wildly appropriate (and very well deserved) tip of $1.75 is applied to the bill and the Appalachian family disappears leaving only the broken crayons and miles of crushed Cheerio crumbs in the carpet (provided of course by thoughtful aunt Bell and her never depleted pantry from 1942), never to return again......until wait......."Honey, we got a coupon for a deal..bla, bla, bla.".

Friends don't let friends be Sunday Diners!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Most Days

Most days I would just like to be the person that runs into me on a semi-regular basis, not so much the guy who creates the path on a minute to minute basis, but more the..."Hey Tob, what have you been up to lately. Haven't seen you in a couple weeks".
This way I could eliminate the mundane, "watching paint dry", aspect from life and just get the highlight reel. "Oh hey Tob, not much, let's see. I'm going to Mexico in October. I am working as a restaurant manager, and I love it! Other than that just same ol-same ol', hey lets go golf next week."
We should all be so lucky!