Monday, September 29, 2008

You Do or You Don't

For some time now I have been unable to pin point my frustration with the masses. On a macroeconomic level there is just far too many semantics to pin point an underlying explanation.

Then a flash-A HA! and all at once a theory on life strikes me without warning....(I Know, Toby...a theory....weird!)

The world is completely divided into two groups. There is no room for gray matter here. You either "get it" or "you don't".

People that know that lousy service still deserves a 15% tip get it. People that use a coupon for a free meal and tip 10% on the cost of their beer-don't.

People that plan and include their teenage kids on their social activities to bond with them get it. People that buy their teenage kids a keg so that "at least they know where they are"-don't.

People that order coffee for the end of their meal get it. People that order hot tea, don't.

The pressing question at hand, now that our vision has become so dramatically unobstructed, is when does it happen. We are not all born getting it, so then when? In a flash at a silent unspoken time, when shopping for shampoo or channel surfing on your bed, eyes thrust form their sockets, you sit straight up and exclaim to nobody in particular.."Holy Shit...I Get It!".

I suppose this could be a simple explanation to an unarguable point, and then again I suppose there could be some other explanation, but the point is-you do or you don't, and I know because.....I Get It!


Sara said...

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this theory. but of the very very very many you have.. this one always pops in my head when i get so frustrated with people.. cause its so true!

Wally said...

I don't get it......

dfwsloan said...

Well said Wally!!

May I never live to be part of a group than the restaurant industry names...The ‘verbal tippers’, the ones who tell you the service was awesome and they'll ask for you the next time they come in, then leave you $15 on a %120 tab...or the ‘Sunday diners’, the ones who come for the Sunday specials (they accurately fit every tipping stereotype ever made. I won't name because I don't like angry emails), they are three times as needy as your lucrative tables, but tip 10%...The ‘broke-ass dater’. I had a guy give me two credit cards that were declined three days ago. After the second, I told him he had a call at the front desk, rather than embarrass him in front of his date. I made up a story about how this had happened to me earlier and the problem was with the same bank who issued his cards. I didn't embarrass him in front of his date and I tried to make him comfortable dealing with me. What did I get??? I lecture about how we need to fix our computers and an 8% tip.

So, may I never be a part of these groups. May I cook for a woman if I can't afford to take her out. And if I ever find a deal that lets me get over on the restaurant, don't let me try to get over on the wait staff too.